Day 121, 122, 123, and 124 – Determined

I was good during the week and the weekend did me in to the max. Cinco de Mayo party on Saturday was nothing but a food/drink fest, followed by more bad eating later in the evening. I am upset with myself but realize that I CHOOSE to make these decisions. I don’t have to..no one is forcing me..but I do. Why? I have done sooooo good up until this point so why do I go back to old habits? I feel like a broken record or the boy who cried wolf. I do good then the weekend hits and I’m doing bad. What was in me the first time around where I had enough will power and strength to say no? It’s not there anymore…and I miss it. Or maybe it is, I just need to find it again.

After this weekend, I feel DISGUSTING and am really down on myslf. It just goes to show you how good eating and working out really carry through in so many aspects! Not just how you look, but how you feel in general. Instead of focusing on the bad, however, I am going to focus on the good. Because how I feel right now, I do not want to feel like anymore. Maybe I needed this horrible weekend of food and drinks to make me realize, “Wake up, Amanda. What are you doing to your body?” Because I’ll tell you – at this point, I do not want to eat another bad thing or drink again. That’s how awful I feel about how much I have let myself really slip up and get out of routine. It is time to revisit my goals from my very first post 124 days ago:

This blog is a testament to myself that I will not let that happen. By June 30, 2013, I WILL be:

*A toned and lean fitness machine
*Goal weight of 135 pounds (unless I physically cannot lose 23 pounds, but I’m pretty sure I can)
*A swimmer – going to take adult swimming lessons so I can incorporate swimming into my fitness routine
*Healthy – not only will I look great, but I will feel the best I ever have in my life

Reading this really helps me feel inspired. I went back and read through old posts from the first days as well. Seeing my excitement to lose a few pounds really got me motivated, and I want to feel that way again. I’m even going to take it a step further and make my goal 130 by June 30, 2013. Even if I only reach 135, I will still be ECSTATIC, but I think one thing that made me slip up is at my lightest, I was down to 140 (morning weight). Knowing that I only had 5 more pounds to go, I kept letting myself cheat saying “Ohhh it won’t be that hard to get down another 5 pounds in 2.5 months”. So now, with my goal being 130, that makes me work harder and strive for a new goal. If I get to 138, I know I still have 8 more pounds to go instead of 3, which will keep me more motivated. So, a new testament:

*Goal weight of 130 pounds by June 30, 2013

Starting tomorrow – Monday, May 6, 2013 – that gives me 56 days to lose the rest of this weight. I don’t know what I weigh right now – don’t want to know – but I will drop the weight and I promise all of you that.

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